Do you see what I see?

Recently I’ve been thinking and talking about how important it is that parents and teens work at recognizing, understanding, and taking each other’s perspective. Especially around academics, parents tend to generate one set of assumptions about what’s going on while their child has an entirely different view. This contributes to our misunderstandings and miscommunications and derails our ability to address what’s actually going on and how we can effectively help.

Just as there may be different perceptions associated with the illustration above - mom sees a rabbit while her child sees a duck - a lack of consensus about what we believe sends each perceiver down a different path. For example, a question about the characteristics of the illustrated animal will yield vastly different responses based on which animal we see.

As with the duck and rabbit, both perspectives can be true. My husband could not see the rabbit - even with hints from me. But once I shared how I saw the rabbit he came to see it as well. Meaning we are going to need our communication skills to bridge our perspective gaps with our children. We need productive conversations that allow us to see and understand what we could not before.

Try the following when you talk with your children:

• Ask them questions that begin from a place of curiousity. 

• Talk less and listen more. 

• Be empathic and see their perspective (get outside of your brain and into theirs). 

• Share your fears with them which requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and honesty. 

When you can both see the rabbit and the duck then you can more easily work together toward the same goals.

Be Well.